If that was your dad, he is hot
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
