super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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