About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Are we still banned from the library?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
