i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
