Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize