you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize