An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
