They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
