Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
