nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
