I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
