My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize