she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
