i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
