once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
