Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
