He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
