did you get engaged???
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
