youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
