Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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