gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
