And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
