I want to walk on stilts...naked
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
