Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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