tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
