dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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