some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
