dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
