Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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