The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize