Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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