3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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