so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
