how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
