The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
