the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
