Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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