i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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