True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i barfeds in our rink
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
