Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
