know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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