I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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