I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize