My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
