thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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