i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
