Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
