How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
