I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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