??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
