she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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