At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
