Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
In America we eat man semen.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I need moral support for this bender
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
