know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
