One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize