1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
