umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
