im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
