my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
