She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
