did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
